Destroy the Internet

The Internet was created a long time ago not by Al Gore, as millions have previously thought. Instead, the creator was Al Gorebatron 5000, aptly named as it was the lovechild-bot of Al Gore and Rosie, the robotic maid from the Jetsons. This byproduct of much blood, sweat, and aluminum alloy has infiltrated many minds of our impressionable youth. Although to many foolish individuals of this world, the internet is a valuable tool of knowledge and information.

Try telling that to little Jimmy Johnson of Little Rock, Arkansas. Poor Jimmy is doing a report on cavemen. He goes to the computer in his familys den to find informationon The Internet! He then proceeds to use the popular website Snoogle (named changed) to research his topic. With the appropriate educational links, there are also some very disturbing and unhelpful ones. But to Jimmy, an eight-year old suffering from acute psoriasis, these links are just as valid as the factual ones. Because of Jimmys limited knowledge of cavemen, he thinks that Ringo Starr was a caveman. He also thinks that cavemen could become unfrozen and act as trial lawyers. And, to his excitement, he learned that cavemen played music and played Johnson State College in Johnson, Vermont on November 17.

Later, Jimmy comes across another website that claims that cavemen invented PDAs and had video iPods. He also comes across a page created by his best friend calling him many nasty, awful things. Forced to tears, Jimmy clicks on a link that tells him the terrible state of the economy. Luckily, little Jimmy never found any caveman porn.

Finally, Jimmy compiles his report on cavemen. He is disappointed to find out that he receives a C- and no Sponge Bob Squarepants sticker anywhere on his report, like all of his classmates got. Naturally, little Jimmy is reduced to tears. In his rage, he killed Freckles, the class hamster. Jimmy then got sent to the electric chair and died as a consequence. It was just another warm, sunny Sunday afternoon.

Poor little eight-year old Jimmy never stood a chance against all the vicious content allowed on The Internet. His childhood innocence, naivety, and death by ridiculous amounts of electricity is only one example of the awfulness The Internet causes people everyday.

Please help to stop these unnecessary realizations that Jimmy discovered. We must protect everyone from the evils The Internet brings to our world. Sign this petition and rid the world of The Internet. This faceless enemy, void of any emotion, must be destroyed!