Eric Runion

We, the people of the FIBB, would like to express our sincere concern regarding one Eric Runion.





Runion, of course, has a .365 career average and .460 on base percentage just two years into his career, with his prime still far off. Despite playing on one of the worst teams in baseball history, he managed to score 123 runs last season, and will likely top 100 RBIs this year. There seems little doubt that he will surpass the likes of Ronaldo Dida, Barry Bonds and perhaps even Babe Ruth in due time.





With due respect to the Toronto franchise, I think that given this severe disbalance to the league, it is clear that there is only one fair and amicable solution remaining.





We, The Undersigned, would like to petition the governing board of the FIBB to officially change the player in question's name to "Eric Funyun."





I hope Mr. Odenbach and Mrs. Bartlett have the wisdom and foresight to see that changing Runion's name to that of a delicious, onion-flavored snack is the only way to ensure the long-term health of the league.