The Next James Bond
Sign Now
We, the undersigned, petition Sony Pictures to hire FEMA Director Michael D. Brown to play the role of James Bond in your remake of Casino Royale.
Mike Brown's acting skills are without peer. For the last five years, he has played the parts of FEMA Director, FEMA Deputy Director, and FEMA General Counsel with such perfection that no one suspected that his only emergency management experience involved the timely application of a condom, a popsicle stick, and a double dose of Viagra.
Additionally, we request that you select the harlot, Jeff Gannon, to play the role of his assistant, Sir Oral Pleasures, OBE.
Finally, we urge you to employ Karl Rove to work closely your publicity team. He will ensure that the identity of the actor playing Secret Agent 007 is leaked to the American media in a manner that will guarantee the greatest amount of play.
Mike Brown's acting skills are without peer. For the last five years, he has played the parts of FEMA Director, FEMA Deputy Director, and FEMA General Counsel with such perfection that no one suspected that his only emergency management experience involved the timely application of a condom, a popsicle stick, and a double dose of Viagra.
Additionally, we request that you select the harlot, Jeff Gannon, to play the role of his assistant, Sir Oral Pleasures, OBE.
Finally, we urge you to employ Karl Rove to work closely your publicity team. He will ensure that the identity of the actor playing Secret Agent 007 is leaked to the American media in a manner that will guarantee the greatest amount of play.
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Shoutbox
Goal
100 signatures
Goal: 100
Latest Signatures
31 December 2015
100.
Brad T
|
Whow! What a hunk of neo-Bond!
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
4,442 * 666
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
I shoved a dead possum out 'o the road once.
Are you French?
No
20 November 2015
99.
Ariadne George
|
В
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
I am a delicate feminine (French) flower
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
I have a brain and did not vote for Bush
Are you French?
No
11 November 2015
98.
Alex M
|
I'm not gay, but Brownie makes my spincter tingle. He also is an 11 on the manly scale of absolute gender.
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
6.5
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
Caught ucky spider trapped in be
8 November 2015
29 October 2015
96.
R W
|
Condi Rice as Money Penny and Rummy as Q, Cheney can play the Role or Dr. Evil.. oh wait wrong Picture...
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
8.8
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
I was responsible for keeping 700
20 September 2015
95.
Raymond S
|
В
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
-10
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
В
Are you French?
No
12 September 2015
94.
Disgusted Instl
|
В
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
8" Cut
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
I supllied Bush/Cheney '04 with all their hookers'n'hooch.
Are you French?
No
24 August 2015
93.
Ann M
|
В
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
5
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
Anti-Bush rants and bumperstickers
Are you French?
No
26 July 2015
92.
Peter R
|
В
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
69
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
I've heard of FEMA(LES)
Are you French?
No
18 July 2015
16 July 2015
90.
Scotty M
|
Brilliant! My gaggles will be so much easier with Brownie and Rove gone!
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
The President said I'm a 10
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
Experience? What's that?
Are you French?
N
30 May 2015
27 May 2015
88.
Alexander S
|
В
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
can it go to 11?
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
В
Are you French?
No
17 May 2015
87.
Archie G
|
He'll no longer be of danger to us.
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
10
Are you French?
No
12 May 2015
86.
Im O
|
I think they should film it over there so we don't have to film it over here.
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
If you have to ask, you aren't man enough to know
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
i can spell d-i
23 March 2015
85.
Robert M
|
Change his 007 license to (point) .007
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
the manliest
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
golden shower donor
Are you French?
No
23 March 2015
84.
Corporal W
|
Perhaps G W Bush could play the monkey side-kick who frees Brown/Bond
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
9 1/2
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
nil
Are you French?
No
18 March 2015
83.
Doug R
|
If he's working for you, he can do a LOT less damage!
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
11
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
Cut off a guy with a W sticker.
Are you French?
No
3 March 2015
82.
Richard D
|
Hire Rummy as Q.
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
It's a matter of conjecture-I say 10-others......?
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
Intelligence service, USN-I was the chief scout for the best bars, food and
16 February 2015
14 February 2015
80.
Dick C
|
He's good in bed!
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
15
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
VP USA
Are you French?
No
11 February 2015
21 January 2015
78.
Matt W
|
He's so convincing, even Bush believes he did a "great job"!
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
9.99998
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
Bush-Cheney '04 Ohio, deputy regional sex slave
Are you French?
No
14 January 2015
77.
Nancy Horn
|
yo
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
25 and I'm female
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
I once lied about my weight on my drivers license application.
Are you French?
No
10 January 2015
76.
Robert Eb
|
Here's your man! Flawless!
Your Rating on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
10+
Your Bush campaign experience qualifying you to work for FEMA
Giving Middle Finger To W Signs
Are you French?
No
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