Time for Rock

We the under-signed do hereby petition to make Rock the official anthem of Austin, Texas, USA, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way thereby nullifying the inexplicable popularity of wuss-music like Vallejo and Bob Schneider and bands with lame names like Leaving July and Vallejo and Bob Schneider.

Furthermore, we do hereby petition that The Humiliators along with their brethern-in-Rock Steamroller, Red Line Riot, and The Killer Crocs of Uganda shall be the official ambassadors of true guitar-driven Rock where "message songs" never go beyond discussing the importance of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll - oh, and beer - and sports, too (that's important). But that's it - no stupid songs about the "dream of world peace that you had last night where everyone was spooning everybody else" nor songs about your life-long wish that you could suffer more as an artist than the other artists you know and wondering that maybe your lack of suffering is what's making your art less popular (get it straight, chump...no one cares because EVERYONE SUFFERS in their own IDIOMATIC WAY!) Oh, and no more songs about places you've never been and will probably never go like that special little cafe on the Champs de Elysee - because IT'S PROBABLY A FRENCH JIFFY LUBE BY NOW! Also, no more freekin' songs about the loss of the mom-and-pop shop due to the construction of a new Walmart. WHO CARES! (well...except for mom and pop, i guess).

Ahem... Anyway, the undersigned want to Rock - not swing, or pop, or scoot, or nod their heads in "deep understanding and sympathy for the plight of the Palestinians or refugees in countries that the deserts are quickly swallowing". Yes: Rock. We want Rock. Just sign the damn thing...