Transform Oakland Raiders to "Las Vegas Jokers"

To: Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders of the National Football League


Mr. Davis:

As a committed professional football fan, I believe that the city of Las Vegas (as well as the citizens of the states of Nevada, Utah, and Idaho) deserves a pro football franchise of its own. I would like you to please give some more consideration to the prospect of selling your team to some powerful entity in Las Vegas, as I am aware that you have been considering this already.

I was inspired to write this petition upon hearing through the grapevine that Wayne Weaver, the owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars, was trying to decide whether to relocate his team to Los Angeles due to the increasingly dwindling market for his team in and around Duval County, Florida. Were this to happen - and with each passing year, it is becoming more and more probable - the state of California would be host to four NFL franchises, which is more than any other state. I do not believe that Southern California needs teams in both Los Angeles and San Diego.

Nor, for that matter, do I believe that the San Francisco Bay Area needs more than one team. I believe that it would make a great deal of sense for a number of reasons to move the Raiders from Oakland to Las Vegas. Most obviously, Las Vegas is one of the fastest-growing - if not the fastest-growing - city in the United States, currently expanding in size at a rate just as spectacular as the city of Chicago did in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. Also, the presence of a new NFL team would undoubtedly prove to be a phenomenal promotional tool for a city whose revenue depends so disproportionately on tourism and consumerism. Finally, the surrounding desert area provides more than enough space for both breaking ground on a new football stadium and establishing a training camp for the new franchise.

A new address as distinctive as this one would certainly call for an image makeover. Might I humbly suggest the Las Vegas Jokers, in honor of the citys gaming heritage? The new uniforms could consist of dark salmon-pink jerseys and olive-green helmets, with the insignia of playing cards on each players two sleeves signifying his position number. The players could make their entrance at home games through a tunnel shaped like a laughing clown head, and their cheerleaders could wear Mardi Gras masks. The stadium itself could be called The House of Cards or The Madhouse, and its rock anthem might be Quiet Riot's "The Joker" or Whitesnake's "Gambler." As an amateur cartoonist, I have even drawn a prototype for this new teams mascot: Jester Joe, a medieval clown sporting a floppy jesters cap in the colors of dark salmon and olive green. I would be willing to yield the intellectual rights to Jester Joes name and likeness if he were actually used.

Lets face it, Mr. Davis: your Raiders currently have a severely tarnished reputation, on account of both its current losing streak and the negative stereotypes associated with Raider Nation. Would it not be wise to opt for a change of scenery, accompanied by whimsical dйcor, playful cheerleaders, and a hip, groovy dude in the form of Jester Joe?