Tripp Loflin Needs to Attend Elon

We, the under-signed individuals, believe that Mr. Robert Manning Loflin, III, also known as "Tripp," would be well-advised to register as a member of the class of 2010 at Elon University, located in Elon, NC. Benefits to becoming a student at Elon University include but are not limited to:

1) Qualifying as an esteemed member of the class of 2010 at an internationally recognized institution of higher learning;
2) Close proximity to a number of other esteemed universities, including but not limited to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, North Carolina State University, Wake Forest University, Duke University, etc., thus ensuring;
3) Close proximity to literally thousands of female members of above-stated universities, many of whom would be willing to engage in one or more of the following:
a. Friendship
b. A relationship
c. Casual dating
d. A "booty call"
4) Close proximity to Mr. Loflin's home in Lynchburg, VA, while simultaneously maintaining a comfortable distance from the restrictions and trauma related to said location;
5) Close proximity to a one Miss Audrey Katrina Fenske, friend and confidante, who would assuredly appreciate the hours of friendship and fun that would result from Mr. Loflin's decision to attend a school near her own institution of higher learning, Duke University;
6) Any and all benefits that would also result from Mr. Loflin attending Elon University.