A Petition to End Online Petitons

This is a petition to put an end to online petitions, which are completely and utterly useless in real life. If you wish to help the world you live in, by all means, go vote, volunteer, donate to a charity, sacrifice your time and dime to a worthy cause of your choosing, but for Christs sake, stop thinking that by typing your name on an online petition that you will accomplish anything of merit. By signing this petition, you acknowledge that you have a firm grasp of the concept of Irony, and that you share in the like mind that this is an exercise in futility. Furthermore, by signing this petition, you also hereby agree to pay me, Colin Nolt, the sum of 3 U.S. dollars every Thursday from now until June 19th, 2077. I only accept cold hard real world cash, not that phony internet fun money crap. Pay up fool.