Eddie Murphy Forced Retirement

Eddie Murphy:

We remember when you were once considered to be a cutting-edge comedian. We remember looking forward to your work. We remember when you were a safe bet.

That was a long, long time ago. For over ten years, you've been cynically cranking out brain-dead, focus-marketed Comedies-By-Number. You have become a ridiculous man; you are the joke and the punchline, Eddie Murphy, but we're not laughing with you.

Your unwavering commitment to the Paycheck, to the Brand Name, to the Family-Friendly Fart Joke, is forcing us to go back and seriously reassess your older work. Were you ever really all that funny, all that talented? We wonder, Eddie Murphy, if it isn't time for you to hang it up.

Just stop. We've grown tired of your face and of your voice. You're a party guest that won't leave, that won't even take the lampshade off of your head while the hosts are stacking the dishwasher and excusing themselves to change into pajamas. Take your cash and disappear. Devote your time to charity work; your name still has clout, for reasons we cannot understand, so put it to good use.