Make Tim McCarver Retire In Shame Now Before He Ruins Yet Another World Series Broadcast!

By signing this petition, I agree that Tim McCarver completely sucks, and concurrently agree that the Fox Sports executives responsible for giving this moron a job, and not just any job, but a job as the color commentator for the World friggin Series among other widely watched and important telecasts, should be subject to all sorts of lawful torture (e.g. standing outside the Fox Sports offices with a giant megaphone playing audio clips of Tim McCarver saying Tim McCarver things) and other acts of disapproval (e.g. mass hate e-mails saying things like, "You're an idiot just like Tim McCarver and I hate you both equally for ruining television baseball experience.") until they fire Tim McCarver or terminate their contract to broadcast the World Series. Major League Baseball is also complicit in this crime against the baseball watching public and they, too, should not go unharrassed.

"Why are you picking on Tim McCarver?" you ask, "he's not that bad."

Yes, he is that bad. He is the absolute worst. He is absolutely painful to listen to. And this is not just some subjective opinion that I've developed over years of hardened cynicism resulting from hearing this man babble incessantly like some stupid drunk chick at a party talking about how her ex-boyfriend is now dating this freshman girl who is "like so totally fat and she's a major slut and probably has like herpes or something". No. Tim McCarver's idiocy is an objective fact, proven by an extremely complex algorithm that I won't get into to too much detail about but that calculates variables such as I.Q., inability to say anything meaningful...ever, ability to point out the most obvious details and expound on these details as if they were keys to some profound insight, frequency of gratuitous exaggeration about certain players particularly from the Yankees based on what I can only presume is a latent sexual desire, among other variables. After computing these factors, you are left with the individual's suckiness quotient. Needless to say, Tim McCarver's suckiness quotient is off the charts, the highest ever recorded. Plus, I hate him. Did I mention that I hate him?

I know I am not the only one. There is a whole world of Tim McCarver despisers out there silently wishing that someone with some power would take notice and never allow McCarver to broadcast another baseball game as long as he lives. IThis petition is a testament to my belief that there are still decent things left in this world, that there is such a thing as justice, that there are meaningful things to be said during the course of a baseball game that can augment the experience for the viewer or at least keep him/her entertained as if (s)he is watching the game with a friend, that as it is you have to watch the World Series with the sound off less your break your hand trying to punch your T.V. every time McCarver opens his mouth. We have suffered long enough.