National Give A Jock A Wedgie Day

Dear Mr. Prime Minister, Leaders of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition, Sirs and Madams of the Canadian House of Commons,
(1) We, the undersigned, are no longer able to contain our disappointment at the continued abuse generated by all of society's continued, baseless praise of Jocks and other athletic types.
(2) We feel that those who are the fundamental basis for the advance and operation of our society, scientists, educators and professors, lawyers, accountants, computer programmers, doctors and politicians, are deserving of more praise than those aforementioned groups from article the first.
(3) We, the undersigned, therefore ask Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II's Canadian Parliament to declare June fifth (5) to be National "Give A Jock a Wedgie Day", and ask that the Parliament of Canada resolve to allow this holiday to be declared as an annual event.
(4) We, the undersigned, also ask that this not be a day of rest from work or school.
(5) We also ask for the creation of the Ministry of Academic and Intellectual Promotion (Nerd and Wall-flower Empowerment Canada) in order to better fulfil the goals of National Give a Jock A Wedgie Day. This Ministry will not be governed by Conservative MP Patrick Brown (Barrie) under any circumstances.
(6) It is imperative that the government publicly endorse the Nerd Empowerment Movement, promoting the importance of the contribution of Canada's operators and intellectual elite by providing said persons from article the second with an opportunity to avenge the oft repeated degradation perpetuated by the media and jocks against said persons.
(7) We the undersigned also recognize that Hockey is cool, we guess.