Request for Action by Rev. Jeff Campbell

Whereas, we are all sinners, and

Whereas, we are thinking of attending our class reunion, and

Whereas, we are concerned for the well being of our eternal souls, and

Whereas, we want to act as responsible adults if we attend our reunion without compromising our souls, and

Whereas, we are all in need of spiritual guidance, particularly in tempting times, and

Whereas, the people in attendance not only will be tempting, but are temptations etched on our souls as our original temptations, and

Whereas, we have learned to moderate some of our behaviors in the years that have intervened since our pubesence, and

Whereas, all that learning and moderation and those intervening years are powerless against temptations so basic that they are etched on our mortal consciousness, and

Whereas, we would like to attend the class reunion, and

Whereas, we would like to attend the class reunion without jeopardizing our chances at entering the pearly gates and suffering eternal damnation, and

Whereas, our attendance will be accomplished, if at all, in the face of such temptations as our first partners at eighth grade makeout parties, and

Whereas, we have spent our entire adult lives wondering what we missed and how our lives would have been different had we succumbed to temptation, and

Whereas, most of us have available to us prescriptions of viagra for such occurrences, and

Whereas, much good can come of this reunion if only we can resist our natural and instinctive urges, and

Whereas, without assistance of a pure being we have trusted since childhood we will succumb to temptation, and

Whereas, with the assistance of such a pure being we can accomplish much good and avoid evil, and

Whereas, one of our classmates is such a pure being and soul who can assist us in accomplishing much, and

Whereas, said classmate is thy servant who toils in the vicinity, and

Whereas, said classmate's name is Rev. Jeff Campbell, and

Whereas, we are all on a mission from God,

BE IT THEREFORE RESOLVED BY THE UNDERSIGNED THAT:

WE ARE REQUESTING THE ASSISTANCE OF OUR TRUSTED SHEPHERD, REV. JEFF CAMPBELL, AT OUR CLASS REUNION ON SEPTEMBER 25, 2010 A.D., BY HIS HOLY YET PHYSICAL PRESENCE AND ATTENDANCE AND BLESSING TO GUIDE US THROUGH THIS COMMUNION WHILE MAKING SURE THAT WE ARE DRINKING THE CORRECT WINE AND EATING THE CORRECT BODIES SO AS TO AVOID ETERNAL DAMNATION.