The Official War Against Tom and Katie - Say No to Tom and Katie

The objective of this petition is to rid the world of an emerging new evil that has pervaded the globe in a very short amount of time. It has caused many people to weep openly in the dead of the night and has made many question their sanity and the future of mankind as we know it. The evil I speak of is none other than one Thomas Cruise Mapother IV and his girl-bot Katie Holmes. These two very cringe worthy publicity whores must be stopped now unless you want to see Tom Cruise leaping onto *your* couch and declaring his pseudo-love for Katie in *your* living room. I can see you shaking your head and saying "that would never happen to me, this type of horror only happens to others". Well, brace yourself and keep reading because you may just change your mind after the evidence has been laid before your very eyes. His highly despicable behaviour on the Oprah Whinfrey Show could only be described as psychotic and maybe even satanic but it is not the only evil induced by Tom.

Are you willing to see another fist pumping, couch hopping, vomit inducing display of devilry? Doctors around the world reported a dramatic increase in "death by nausea" after the Oprah appearance. This must be stopped! People of the world, we need to stand united in our bid to rid the world of these diabolical creations embodied by Tom and Katie. Together, united in a common goal, we can acheive extraordinary results; we can start to make Tom and Katie history!

The 'War against Tom and Katie' needs to be won. You can say 'No to Tom and Katie' by banning them from your lives. Don't let this Tom leprechaun fool you. Recently, light has been shed on the true magnitude of his evil prowess. After extensive research by the very respected Australian detectives Asfaloth and BlisstheActress assisted by Inspector Morse, Inspector Gadget and Angela Lansbury; I now present to you the evidence we have collected regarding Tom Cruise and his crimes against humanity. If you have a heart condition or a weak disposition, we do not recommend you view these very highly disturbing revelations:

Q. Who shot Lincoln?

A. Tom Cruise

Q. Who shot J.R?

A. Tom Cruise

Q. Who shot J.F.K?

A. Tom Cruise

Bliss lost her favourite pair of socks last week - She now realises they weren't lost in the laundry....It was TOM!

AFDS - TOM! (Acute Fedorov Disgorgement Syndrome)

Global Warming - TOM!

I couldn't start my car this morning..... TOM!

Constantine falling - TOM!

The recent drought in Australia - TOM!

The Iraq debacle - TOM!

Schapelle Corby - TOM!

Bird Flu Virus - TOM!

Income Taxes - TOM!

Hitler - TOM!

Russell Crowe's temper - TOM!

Vanilla Sky - TOM! - (seriously - that movie was a pile of crap!)

Scott Savol - TOM!

Racism - TOM!

Brad and Jen split - TOM!

Every Garth Brooks album -TOM!

George Bush re-elected - TOM!

Ben Affleck movies - TOM!

War: TOM!

Human Conflict: TOM!

Atomic Bomb: TOM!

Paris Hilton: TOM!

Pain: TOM!

Anthony Fedorov: TOM!

Arnold Schwarzenegger elected as the governator: TOM!

Hatred: TOM!

Haemorrhoids: TOM!

Jean Claude Van Damme: TOM!

Steven Segal: TOM!

Pear Harbor: the event *and* the movie: TOM!

Michael Jackson: TOM!

Every Britney Spears album: TOM!

Every Madonna film: TOM!

Disasters: TOM!

Christina Aguilera's hair - TOM!

Bert in hospital - TOM!

John Lennon being shot - TOM!

My banana going brown -TOM!

Sylvester Stallone - TOM!

Prince Charles's ears - TOM!

The Unabomber - TOM!

Penelope Cruz's career - TOM!


I know what you're thinking. How does one get involved to finally put a stop to this evil! Keep reading...

Tom and Katie are a sham. Katie, playing the role of his designated girl-bot has also harmed the world with her "acting". There is more to the art of acting than just furrowing your eyebrows. Besides, why is Tom allowed to date a minor? I thought paedophilia was illegal in the United States.

Tom and Katie have also killed thousands of people around the globe through pure, unadulterated horror. The horror of having to sit down for a couple of hours and witness some truly stomach churning, mind numbing, crap fests, otherwise known as their "work". Need I remind you of Vanilla Sky? Teaching Mrs. Tingle? Nuff' said. No-one and I mean no-one deserves to be tortured like this.

Katie is playing the role of Tom's beard. Hmmm, it's all very *queer* isn't it? His behaviour has been very *queer* lately but I guess he's just feeling *gay* to have found his new beard.

You too can also say 'No to Tom' by adding your voice to this petition.

We can win this War against Tom and Katie. Come one come all and burn that mini bastard and his newly acquired brainless concubine down!

I urge all humans, plants and animals alike, it's not too late, we can all still say 'No To Tom and Katie'. Their malevolent behaviour knows no bounds. We must stop them before they *gulp* procreate and multiply like little gremlins! We can do this! We can defeat this demonic courtship.