Make Ruth Turner a Saint Immediately

Following the statement by Ruth Turner, Tony Blair's director of Government Relations, on Friday that she has has never engaged in 'any wrongdoing of any nature whatsoever', we the undersigned, feel a new standard has been set in terms of human behaviour.

As this remarkable statement has been comprehensively backed up by a number of New Labour figures who have attested to her honesty and noble character, it is clear that amongst us walks one who has never been guilty of the slightest wrongdoing. We feel that mere temporal recognition will not suffice for this pure and blameless soul, and call upon Pope Benedict to waive the normal criteria of being dead, and consider Ruth Turner for a fast-track to sainthood.

As she has never done anything wrong in her life, she is arguably more holy than John Paul II, who was known to leave the toilet seat up on occasion. Furthermore, if by her actions she has spared one of the faithful - Tony Blair (who is almost a Catholic) - from the strong arm of the law this is clearly a miracle in her favour.

All Hail St Ruth.