A Request For Future Laws Regarding Maura Walsh

(NOTE: Before reading, if you are more comfortable reading the petition in more commong, easily understood language, proceed to the section marked by ***).
This petition is hereby posted, in all entirety, but not substantially limited to being, on strict behalf of the undersigned, however, it is in all its purposes representing said undersigned's opinions of one Maura Walsh.
The intended recipient of the aforesigned petition being none other than the Almighty God, and/or all legislative, judicial, and executive forces that may, but exclusively, work as a direct result of, but not substantially caused by, His Right Hand. The purpose of the aforesigned petition being none other, than to humbly request on behalf of substantially, but not reasonably limited to the undersigned, that the car keys and driving priveleges be revoked from one Maura Walsh, as a direct result, but not significantly caused by, the aforementioned bitch's incessant insisting on impressing on all people the desire for everyone to be in the proverbial know about said driving priveleges. It is also the most significant wish of the undersigned, that she be banned from ever again speaking of the aforementioned driving priveleges, under penalty of law and punishment of whip, and she must, in all entirety and upon the beginning of all conversation, inform the other party/parties involved in said conversation, that the priveleges of which must be needed to drive have been revoked. Also, the aforementioned name, being Maura Walsh, must legally be changed to accomodate her new legal and professional status, and to ensure no chance of anonymity, to the following name: Bitch B. Walkin, to describe her personality (of the aforementioned bitch status) and her mode of transportation/characterizing action (B. walkin', which of course is an abbreviated form of the infinitve, to be walking). Also, any acts of being a bitch that have been impressed upon those among the undersigned, or any of those who agree with the undersigned, or even those who identify themselves as a person not wanting to be bitched at, these bitchy acts will in fact be punished with punitive actions and the punisher will automatically, such is the nature of those causing Maura pain, be filled with an unknown amount of glee. It is also requested that all punishments of Maura be televised globally, as this will surely provide all with an amount of bliss capable of causing world peace. And, to ensure that this bliss lasts forever, Maura must be kept alive for all of eternity, so she can never drive and must be punished no less than thrice per the standard seven day week. In the event that Earth's population must move to a new planet for any foreseeable (or un) reason, a week is defined as a period in which 7 sets of 24 hours has passed. Also, any form of transportation designed to make traveling easier must never be undertaken by the heretofore, and aptly, named Bitch B. Walkin, including those forms of transportation unforeseeable as of January 1, 2006. Most of all, we thank all those who are in a state of hating Maura, heretofore known simply as Bitch, sufficient enough to sign this petition.

*** Basically, we are asking that Maura never be able to drive again, or talk about it (as she always does). She must tell that she is NOT able to drive in fact. She must change her name to Bitch B. Walkin, and she is no longer allowed to be a bitch. She must be punished if she's in violation of any of the previous laws which will be imposed soon enough. Also, she must live forever so she can be punished 3 times per week to keep people amused (as it would be hilarious). She can never use any technology other than her own legs to travel. Also, she can never again, be such a huge bitch as she has been known to be.