Myspace Needs Your Help!

This madness cannot continue!

Myspace never works. We can't log in, we can't send messages, we can't look at pictures, and we can't leave comments. Why? The answer is very simple. As many are aware, the internet is a series of tubes. When these tubes are filled with enormous amounts of material, they become clogged.

So what is clogging the internet tubes and keeping Myspace from functioning correctly? Fat people. Fat people in tiny bathing suits putting pictures of themselves on Myspace. Pictures of these abnormally large human beings stack up and quickly lodge themselves inside the tubes, keeping other important traffic from traveling the internet. It prevents the rest of us from accessing Myspace, sending internets (email to some) and chatting with lightning fast speed over AIM. Unacceptable. We must, and will, take a stand.

By signing this petition, we, the people of Myspace, authorize Tom to use his cybergod-like powers to systematically remove the offending fat users from the site so the internet tubes can run clean and clear.