To the good citizens of Italy

We the undersigned regret to inform you that a plague of unprecedented and Biblical proportions is about to descend upon your fine Country, and sadly it is the fault of the United States. The cast of the most horrid reality television show in the history of the universe, The Jersey Shore, is going to be filming season four, not in prison (where they so clearly belong), but within your very own borders. Should you be so fortunate as to have never heard of this abomination, it's essentially cameras following around the shallowest, whiniest, sleaze-bags ever kicked out of a trailer park. So picture Jerry Springer, the home version. Although our initial reaction on hearing this news was to contemplate bribing you to keep the cast members -including double for Snookie- in all good conscience it would truly be unfair to leave you stuck with a mess indisputably of our own creation. Well that and we don't have the billions of dollars you would doubtlessly require as payment. As we are powerless to stop them from invading your land and desecrating all you hold dear, we wish to sincerely apologize in advance for what these twits are about to do. Please know that not all Americans are like them. In fact the majority are hard working decent folks who in no way think you deserve the tragedy that is about to befall you. We humbly ask for your forgiveness.