Ban This Pattern!
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. b a n t h i s p a t t e r n c a m p a i g n .
So, you ask what this petition
is about? Easy -- it is an effort to hopefully end the madness
that is currently going on on the streets of any major city: every other
person, male or female, being more or less clothed in the Burberry pattern.
You can spot a victim of the Burberry
hype easily:
In its initial stages, the victim usually wears a Burberry pattern
scarf.
Quickly dissatisfied, the victim realizes that a Burberry scarf
is pretty common, so the cravings for more begin, but the victim
is still afraid to admit the addiction: the solution is to hide
the pattern in jacket linings, mobile phones etc.
Over time, the natural, obvious and reasonable reaction to consider
the pattern boring, outdated and a disgrace
fades, and especially women succumb to dressing in the Burberry
pattern more obviously, as in skirts, pants or on hand bags etc.
What follows is particularly vicious: the victim attempts to actively
spread the addiction by giving more Burberry scarfs or other items
as presents. Particularly evil is the attempt to infect little kids
using teddy bears, see the corpus delicti below -- I hope this illustrates
the severity of the situation!
After that stage, the disease usually spreads unlimitedly, including
couch designs, gift wrapping paper, anything. Toilet paper hasn't
yet been reported but surely will appear any day now.
Don't become the next victim!
You now probably think that only teenagers
that will blindly follow any fashion trend anyway will become victims.
Alas! 'tis not the case. Quite the opposite -- healthy, established
adults seem to be particularly prone to becoming infected!
Help the victims!
Talk to them. Tell them that they're in deep trouble. Be
warned, they won't believe you at first.
Tell them that they look boring, anonymous, uncreative
and conservative.
Tell them they are OFFENSIVE
Ask them how much money they have spent on original or faked Burberry
patterns. The amount will usually help the victim recover.
If we can save even a single poor
soul from becoming a Burberry puppet, it was all worth it.
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