Put Nikki from BBUK into the Australian Big Brother House ASAP.

We the People of Australia, in order to form a more perfect Big Brother house, establish friction, disturb domestic tranquillity, provide for the lowest common denominator, promote the general disunity, and secure the blessings of decent entertainment to ourselves and our viewing posterity, do request that Nikki from Big Brother 7 in the United Kingdom is flown to Australia post haste and immediately placed into our own Big Brother house located at Dreamworld on the Gold Coast.

It is obvious to even the most mentally challenged Big Brother viewer that we need an entertaining and borderline insane housemate to liven up the current series of the Australian show. Frankly, this year's crop of inmates have been spectacularly disappointing. Breasty mother-daughter duos? Extras from the classic Jim Henson flick The Dark Crystal? An overly verbose wanker with grandiose dreams of becoming the Big Brother house's very own Professor Moriarty but who succeeded only in cementing his reputation as an arseclown and hiding a few toothbrushes?

If it wasn't for the handsome gay and JamKat (a hideous moniker used to describe a romantic couple in the house - a blonde insecure surf-loving virgin and an odd sounding Swayze look alike with a heart of gold and what appears to be a third leg), we might as well start reading books for entertainment, or helping out charitable causes.

WHERE IS THE COMEDIC GENIUS? WHERE IS THE COMPLETELY MENTAL AND THUS WONDERFUL HOUSEMATE?

I'll tell you where - she's in Britain, and as god is my witness, I shall not rest until she is flown out to Oz and thrust into the Big Brother house, where she'll no doubt fire up immediately over the rationing of food, lack of alcohol and being "cooped up like a chicken" in a strange country.

http://www.channel4.com/bigbrother/housemates/housemate_news.jsp?id=16

So, Kris Noble, we're going to have to insist you make this happen. After spending the last few years recruiting housemates from tacky Queensland nightclubs where they've been earning a pretty penny wearing skimpy outfits and encouraging dribbling punters to buy Vodka Cruisers in order to get their hands on a free trucker cap, you owe us this at least.

Please see the following clips for further proof Nikki should - nay, MUST - be put into the Australian Big Brother house.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLYsO_r3wiE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eOhC_vk5U4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uArpHI69yV4