Waterboard the Presidential Candidates

We, the undersigned, in the interests of restoring the high standards of human rights in America, in recognition of the founding principle of mankinds universal equality, and to ensure the integrity of information gleaned from terror suspects to better prevent future acts of terrorism, hereby petition the Congress to enact legislation that would require presidential candidates, who are vying for the opportunity to formulate both intelligence and and justice policy, to be waterboarded before they are put on state ballots. We also petition the Congress to film the waterboardings and require television networks to display the film on national television. During the debate, interrogators will attempt to coerce the candidates into changing their political party affiliation. The candidates will then immediately state their opinion on the record about whether or not they have been tortured. Candidates who publicly state that they will establish a permanent moratorium on the practice of waterboarding shall be exempted from the waterboarding.