Find Nick Clegg a soul

Nick Clegg, Deputy Prime Minister, recently made a brave vow that the Liberal Democrats 'won't lose their soul' despite their alliance with the Conservatives. Sadly for Nick, it's too late for him. He no longer has a soul and, sinch May 2010, has been using a makeshift soul made of students' tears and a photo of David Cameron dressed up as Margaret Thatcher. This desperate situation has left Nick feeling sad, lost and confused. Well, it would have if he was still capable of experiencing emotions. Instead, no longer able to tell right from wrong or right from left, Nick spends his time blindly agreeing with David Cameron and acting like he has no memory of all the stuff he said before Dave offered him a Very Important Job. Occasionally he weeps bitter tears of shame but, due to his lack of soul, has no idea why. It's unlikely there's any hope for Nick, but why not sign anyway? It'll have about as much validity as your vote for the Lib Dems did.