Save The Anchorage Rockhoppers From Themselves

We, the undersigned, are outraged that the management of the Anchorage Rockhoppers would abandon the league when the team was ranked third from last place, only to return and take the credit when a fan-run team, led by Nad Bohner, not only restored the team's honor, but also brought the team into a two game lead in the playoffs.

We, the undersigned, ask that the regular season players, hereafter referred to as "The Losers," resign from their positions and allow Nad Bohner, hereafter referred to as "The Man," to create an entirely new team for the 2005/06 season.

We, the undersigned, also ask that The Losers be forcefully deported to China, where they will be forced to work in government-run slave labor camps making collectible Rockhoppers merchandise for sale to fans at next year's games.

We, the undersigned, also also ask that The Man be given the Key to the City of Anchorage by Mayor Mark Begich for his heroic efforts to save the city's one and only BHL hockey team from total embarassment.

We, the undersigned, also really want to see Jenny Cognomen in a bikini in next year's team calendar.