Kirsten Dunst/Jake Gyllenhaal Sex Tape
Sign Now
It has come to our attention that actors Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal are currently dating each other. Though our hearts are broken, we wish the couple much happiness, a healthy sex life, and continuing celebrity.
To that end, we hereby propose that the couple do something that brought greater fame and profit to another couple several years ago. That couple was Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, and that something was "make a sex tape and leak it to the public."
Think about it, Kirsten and Jake: you could be the most famous couple in the universe! Imagine going to any hotel and being able to see yourselves banging on Spectravision! You could even put out more tapes as your relationship progresses, recruiting guest stars (Britney? The Strokes?) when things start to get predictable.
We will gratefully and ecstatically accept any tape you wish to offer us, your viewing public, but just as a suggestion, can it be at least three hours long, action-packed, and not have any of the baby talk or bad guitar playing of the Pamela/Tommy tape? Thank you from the bottom of our shattered hearts. It really is the least you can do.
To that end, we hereby propose that the couple do something that brought greater fame and profit to another couple several years ago. That couple was Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, and that something was "make a sex tape and leak it to the public."
Think about it, Kirsten and Jake: you could be the most famous couple in the universe! Imagine going to any hotel and being able to see yourselves banging on Spectravision! You could even put out more tapes as your relationship progresses, recruiting guest stars (Britney? The Strokes?) when things start to get predictable.
We will gratefully and ecstatically accept any tape you wish to offer us, your viewing public, but just as a suggestion, can it be at least three hours long, action-packed, and not have any of the baby talk or bad guitar playing of the Pamela/Tommy tape? Thank you from the bottom of our shattered hearts. It really is the least you can do.
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Goal
800 signatures
Goal: 1,000
Latest Signatures
6 December 2015
27 November 2015
26 November 2015
19 November 2015
9 November 2015
9 November 2015
29 October 2015
28 October 2015
26 October 2015
792.
Abdullahi Riggs
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:orgasms quietly at thought: Ahem. Kirsten... Jake... you seriously have to send me a copy of your sex tape. Now don't act like you don't have it. I know y'all are freaky in bed. Anyways, I demand close ups during intercourse. Please and thank you.
21 October 2015
20 October 2015
14 October 2015
13 October 2015
4 October 2015
28 September 2015
19 September 2015
11 September 2015
8 September 2015
4 September 2015
3 September 2015
15 August 2015
780.
Tara Suarez
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YES. Just...this is brilliant. Why did no one think of this sooner? Lots of Jake, thanks.
13 August 2015
2 August 2015
25 July 2015
22 July 2015
776.
Kirsten Tanner
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Oh my god that is disturbing. I'm ashamed of all of you for wanting us to do that. I'm not even dating Jake, we're just friends. You people scare me.
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