Mitch Hedberg Reanimation

As you may or may not know, Mitch Hedberg, one of the greatest and funniest comedians of our time, passed away on March 30, 2005 as a result of heart failure. It is hard to beleive that the world is suddenly missing his staccatto delivery, memorable jokes, and lack of direct eye contact with the audience. This petition is a petition to have Mitch Hedberg reanimated, or brought back to life (for the layman). The government has had the technology to perform reanimation surgeries since the early 80's. Should the government fail to give in to our demands, we can turn to Russia, a country currently pioneering "cranial robo-symbiosis," a process by which the head and neck of the recently deceased is attached to a motor driven, wheeled platform, controlled via brainwaves. The person's speech is displayed on a computer screen on the front of the assembly and can be spoken aloud by any commercially available text-to-speech programs. Unfortunately Russia does not yet have the technology to allow the dead to speak on their own, but I expect a break-through within the next few years. Finally, should those two routes fail we can go one final route, Jorgin (Pornounced: your-geen). He is the magical imp, kept captive at Area 51. After extensive government testing it has been proven that he has regenerative, as well as reanimatory powers. Unfortunately he usually requires a sacrificial human to eat before he will return anyone to their previous state of being. That is why I have left it as the final option. So please, before he is too long dead and we lose his comedy forever, let the United States and the World know that we want to see our favorite comedian alive again. -Thanks