Start paying attention to inane petitions

These days people start online petitions for lots of good causes. Some people want to free Mumia Abu Jamal, and from a look at the home page of this site a lot of people want Iran to start behaving themselves.

But people also start online petitions to boycott Mission Impossible because Tom Cruise is a loonie. Or to get the name of the Nintendo Wii changed to something else, hopefully not the Nintendo Azz or the Nintendo Mimzy. And then of course there's the petition to make Scientology the official religion... of earth.

Am I against petitions like this? Not at all, dear reader! I'm entirely in favor of having the Iraqi amputee's petition to George W. Bush to please stop bombing their hospitals drowned out by the desires of people who obviously have no greater concern than whether or not Murphy Brown is on Nick at Nite.

That's why I've created this petition for world leaders to start doing whatever an online petition tells them to. Clearly these people are a force to be reckoned with, and yet no one pays attention to a few guys living in basements signing a demand for a Who's The Boss reunion special.

I order that this be changed. The fact that Sean of Seanbaby.com never responded to the many signatures demanding that he stop being funny, or to the letters of one Mark Discordia who ordered him to enter into underground penile tugs of war, is shameful. As is the fact that he ignored the online petition against his site entirely and even went so far as to claim that it was actually just his guest book.

I am starting this petition to state my will that from now on, every time someone gets mad enough to spend five minutes writing up an inane petition for their cause, that their demands should be caved into just like how it happens in the movies where the plucky CIA operative is like "We can not negotiate with terrorists, sir!" and then the president is like "We have no other choice agent Skuffledink. If you fail to stop the vaguely west German guy who's stolen my daughter this week I'll have to give him ownership of my left nut. May god help us all!"

So yeah, do what the petitions say. Unless they're from terrorists petitioning Jerry Bruckheimer to give them nuclear warheads again. No good ever comes of that. And while we're at it, can we FINALLY get a Transformers VS North Dakota TV series made? I mean, come on! I've been waiting to see Megatron battle Bismarktimus Prime ever since I was a kid. What the hell are the animators doing with this beast wars crap or whatever?