Better Music From 311

We, the undersigned, declare that 311 should no longer permitted to perform on stage without the assistance of rubber chickens to keep their heads warm. We dearly believe that their poor performances of late can easily be attributed to the lack of warmth to the brain, severely decreasing their motor skills and in effect making their music unlistenable. As the chicken is commonly known for warming eggs, they were of course the obvious choice to use as the previously mentioned head-warmers. As live chickens would be hard to manage, and the concept of having live chickens on your head is just utterly ridiculous, we believe rubber chickens would be suitable substitutes and in effect allow the entire community at large enjoy their music for once.