Slap Jeremy Clarkson

Slap Jeremy Clarkson! Whenever I see his big ugly curly face I want to give it a slap. He's too tall and he's always *wrong*. That would be all right, if he wasn't wrong so *loudly*. And he's weirdly obsessed with anti-environmentalism -- every one of his columns in the Sunday Times has something denouncing Greenpeace or whatever. Is this a persecution diathesis? Paranoia? Conspiracy theory? More to the point, did he actually fall for 'State of Fear'?
Example: just after a story appeared in The Times about new research that provided more evidence that the North Atlantic conveyor was be slowing down (some Cambridge geographer guy spent months in military submarines under the Arctic ice cap gathering his evidence) he bluntly states that (I paraphrase) 'the Gulf Stream will not be cut off' without any corroborating evidence. I don't know who is actually right but c'mon Clarky be reasonable!
He also said reading Donne was 'a waste of time' and that he wasn't impressed by Shakespeare because he, Jeremy, 'can string a sentence together'. That is, without doubt, the most absurd thing anyone has ever said. Ever.
I want to make it known that I think he's a good writer. Why else do I return to his silly columns week after week? He's funny! And when he's on your side his manfully unqualified opinions can be intoxicating. But -- please! -- how can anyone so dogmatically deny any problem of climate change after the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change published its findings (see http://www.lrb.co.uk/v27/n01/byer01_.html)? I think a firm slap might sort his out. If anyone ever gets the chance, do it if only for the world's otters, its peat bogs, its SUV-haters. Why do I suggest physical violence? Words are his currency and I doubt anything would ever penetrate his self-certain rhetorical armature.