Coca-Cola Jingle Religion-Shoehorn
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The true meaning of Christmas is under assault from all quarters, through television advertisements, newspaper articles, and home decorations designed to marginalise and demote Jesus Christ from his rightful place at the heart of the celebration, and replace him with the dread god MAMMON, worshipped by corporateers and superficialists.
We, the undersigned, demand that Jesus's possible birthday is NOT degraded in this manner. To recognise His central divine importance in this festive season, we call upon major corporations to retailor their religion-neutral advertisements to more appropriately reflect the spiritual message of this worldwide holiday.
As a first example of what we hope others will follow, we call upon the "Coca-Cola" company, well known producers of carbonated beverages, to re-record their Christmas jingle in their advertisements, which currently notes that "Holidays Are Coming", to something that recognises more overtly the Christian values of our holiday, namely "JESUS DIED ON A FUCKING CROSS FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL CELEBRATING BASTARDS". This will necessitate some reworking of the underlying rhythm, but is easily achievable within a timeframe of a couple of weeks.
Happy CHRIST-mas,
We, the undersigned, demand that Jesus's possible birthday is NOT degraded in this manner. To recognise His central divine importance in this festive season, we call upon major corporations to retailor their religion-neutral advertisements to more appropriately reflect the spiritual message of this worldwide holiday.
As a first example of what we hope others will follow, we call upon the "Coca-Cola" company, well known producers of carbonated beverages, to re-record their Christmas jingle in their advertisements, which currently notes that "Holidays Are Coming", to something that recognises more overtly the Christian values of our holiday, namely "JESUS DIED ON A FUCKING CROSS FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL CELEBRATING BASTARDS". This will necessitate some reworking of the underlying rhythm, but is easily achievable within a timeframe of a couple of weeks.
Happy CHRIST-mas,
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