Bring Back Firefly... and then some

The purpose of this survey is to petition the television networks to bring back the hit TV series Firefly. This petition is for any moron who really thinks that online petitions make any bit of difference or actually matter at all.

Joss Whedon has expressed that he does not want to make any more Firefly episodes, but we, The Fans, know better than the creator of the show. We implore the networks to tie Joss down and force him to write more episodes, even though those episodes will probably not receive very good ratings when they air, considering how small the fan base is.

And while we're asking for the impossible, we may as well not hold back. We, The Undersigned, demand that Wash be brought back to life... as a cyborg! And that Starbuck and Apollo join the crew of Serenity, along with Geordie LaForge, Ambassador G'Kar, and Wolverine.

And since we just have no idea when to stop, we also demand that at least 18 more Serenity movies be produced, three of which contain hardcore sex scenes between Kaylee and Simon, and one containing a fifteen minute scene of River showering.

We also ask that the television networks work to create a machine that can alter reality so that we may actually exist in Joss Whedon's 'verse, seeing how one season of Firefly and one movie were not enough to indulge our pathetic escapist fantasies, and we are simply unable to face reality without Captain Reynolds and his crew of misfits.

Once the machine is complete, and we're all living in an alternate reality, we request that the television networks supply each fan with a life-sized fully functional replica of Serenity, so we can fly merrily around the 'verse and can forget all about our previous lives.

We do not think this is asking too much, and we promise that once you follow through with our requests your ratings will soar.