Earthsea "miniseries"
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Whereas Ged is quick-tempered and overly proud, but not whiny.
Whereas, Vetch's other name is not Samwise Gamgee.
Whereas the wizard school on Roke is not also named Hogwarts.
Whereas Jasper was an egotistical and uppity boy, but not an evil villain eg, not Draco Malfoy.
Whereas the villain/antagonist of A Wizard of Earthsea was the same as the hero/protagonist.
Whereas the shadow/gebbeth was not a zombie/vampire/living deadthing.
Whereas Tygath, aka evil tyrant king guy, never existed in the books. And even if he had, he would not resemble some combination of Lex Luthor, Dr. Evil and/or Simon Legree.
Whereas, Nemmerle sacrificed his life for Ged's and did not die from a knife tossing contest.
Whereas, the mages (not magi or whatever the plural of magus is) of Roke controlled the weather and thus no evil tyrant king guy could break through the storms and invade said Roke.
Whereas, said mages certainly had more power at their disposal than flimsy fireballs.
Whereas Kossil was a shrewd and plotting old, fat woman, not a blonde vixen babe lusting after evil tyrant king guy. And whereas this miniseries was supposed to be based on a couple of childrens books.
Whereas Tenar was the high priestess of a religion that worshipped the nameless ones, not a shiny, happy acolyte keeping them at bay through her piety.
Whereas Thar died of cancer, not poison.
Whereas Thar did not make long, boring speeches about the power of faith.
Whereas life was tedious and stultifying in Atuan, not blessed to a gaggle of shiny, happy novices tripping merrily along.
Whereas priestesses and novices wore heavy, black monk robes, not glam versions of nun habits.
Whereas Ged and Tenar did not have a romance in the Tombs of Atuan and came together only when they were much, much, much older.
Whereas Ged and Tenar having a romance in Tombs of Atuan would have violated statutory rape laws and violated the 'ewwww' factor.
Whereas the priestesses of Atuan did not need to protect the world against the Nameless One. The said Nameless Ones were an organic part of the Tombs and couldn't leave anyway.
Whereas no character in Wizard or Tombs ever thought the Nameless Ones could give them immortality. In other words, there was no Superman/Austin Powers evil scientist element to the plot.
Whereas when the rune of peace (not some amulet thing) was joined, lions did not lie down with lambs, cats did not sleep with dogs and warriors did not become Quakers.
Therefore,
We, the fans of Ursula LeGuin's Earthsea series, repudiate the alleged adaptation of two of her books and therefore request that the SciFi Channel disassociate the title of its miniseries from those books.
And do hereby request that producers and directors and scriptwriters of vision who understand and appreciate artistry, complex characterization, nuance and deep meaning do attempt to negate said alleged adaptation by providing the world with a true interpretation.
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