Spoof Tv on the air!

Hello i have made a script for a Tv show with my friend and we want it on the air! Here it is: Range of audience- 13+ …mild violence and some adult language. Characters- Sam “the fat one” Kyle “the short guy” Allie L. “The evil one” Sam sub-characters: Bill Clinton, Crocodile hunter, homeless guy, anonymous guy, Hindu man, Oompa Loompa, Waffleman, Old person, Other Japanese guy, ext. Kyle sub-characters: Oompa Loompa, bucket guy, Homeless midget, Dwarf master, Old guy, Kuitsuku-sama-chan-san, and ext. Allie sub-characters Vacuum Girl, stealer of cheese, Rich lady, Miss Mysterious, Old lady, Aki, Sha bob, ext. First skit ever! Intro: Characters- Sam, Kyle, Allie L. Setting- Dark room, darker room, hell. Sam intro: sitting in wooden chair, scratching chin, while music plays in background. Sam turns around and screams shut the heck up! And jumps out of chair, and starts beating up orchestra and that just…appears… Kyle’s intro: you see a blank screen, but the camera goes down, and you see Kyle just standing there…he itches himself and runs away. Allie L. intro: Flames come up from bottom of screen, and you see Allie. She has a sword in hand, swings it, and screams in Chinese. Then she starts dancing off screen. Theme song plays… Show begins…camera shows stage…Allie walks in from…some door somewhere. Allie- Hi! I’m Allie and I’m- *coughs, hack, wheeze* …having an asthma attack. Sam- *storms in and says* KEEP ROLLING! Good job! Allie- HELP ME! Sam- No! Kyle- *walks in* Howdy hoe guys! What’s up? Sam- *pushes him on the floor next to the still coughing Allie* ROLL! ROLL! *Scene ends…and first skit starts.* Skit one- what is for lunch? Starring- Allie L., Sam & Kyle, singing employees, Kool Aid guy *All in line for school lunch* Kyle- hey, what’s for lunch? Allie L.- um…*grabs a big Mac and hands it to the McDonald’s employees that just run in* Employees- *sing* Two all beef patties! Special sauce, lettuce, cheeses pickles onions on a sesame seed bun! *Employees run out* Sam- what about drinks? *Kool Aid man runs in…* Kool Aid man- Oh yeah! *Pointing gesture.* *Birds chirp in background, everyone stares blankly, and the Kool Aid guy backs out slowly.* Allie L.- What about dess- Kyle and Sam- NOOO! END SKIT Skit two- Lord of the HOLY CRAP THAT MOVIE IS LONG! Starring- Sam as “Hobo”, Allie L. as “Gallium” and Kyle as “Sammu”, Gandolf the Gay. *Sammu and Hobo are walking on Rocky Mountains.* Sammu and Hobo- Our feet…are HAIRY. *DUN DUN DUN music* Gallium- We must- Hobo- SCREW YOU GALLIUM! Gallium- *curls up in fetal position* Meh… Sammu- *accidentally steps in puddle* AHH! I’m drowning! Hobo-* pokes him with stick* you okay? Look! ‘Tis Gandolf the Gay! 8 HOURS LATER Gandolf the gay- *struts in* Hello! *is wearing all rainbow robes, and in gay voice says* Hello guys! What is happening? Tee hee! Sammu- *stops still in water …* Gallium- *kicks Sammu and he comes back to life, twitching* Hobo- when does this movie end anyway? *Director comes in…*- now! The end! Finally… Skit three- Die Care Bears! Starring- Allie L., Sam and Kyle *Outside of the care bear animation studio, Kyle Sam and Allie are all dancing in a circle with picket signs.* Sam and Kyle- go nowhere! We don’t care! Takes care bears off the air! Allie L- I WANT MORE OF GAY BEAR! *Starts chanting* you’re here! You’re queer! We all love you ‘cause you’re gay! You’re near! Don’t fear! That is all I want to say! YOU ARE REALLY, REALLY GAY! Yay! *Evil Care bear comes up and glomps onto Allie, and drags her away.* Kyle- we will kill you all! FIGHT LIKE THE BEARS YOU ARE! *Many, many care bears come out, looking evil and angry.* Care bear leader- Attack! Huttah! *Matrix-like fighting, or slow motion fighting, begins. Chariot’s of fire music plays in the background, and after many funny scenes of Care bears getting the stuffing ripped out of them, Kyle and Sam are victorious. Kyle took on rainbow bear and happy bear, beating them with a wooden stick. Sam used his picket sign and bashed Stupid bear, annoying bear, Ugly bears and Gay bear in the head. Allie runs out and dives in front of Gay bear before he gets hit, though, and takes the pain.* *Music dies away slowly no long slow motion. Care bears lie on floor lifeless. Then suddenly they arise. Music is playing Hallelujah Bears get up and begins to attack Sam and Kyle… Allie still lies on floor after being smashed with picket sign…* Sam- holy crap … when did my life come to this when I’m getting my ass beat by a Care bear? Gay bear- Oh behave… Kyle- shut up! *Bashes bear in face* *Gay bear drops to floor…* Allie-Noooooo! Gay bear- Ugh… *stuffing rolls out stomach* Sam- ok. Then turns and bashes care bears face into pole… Finally the bears are dead and are replaced with "The not care bear Show" Whatever that is…. And the world is saved by a bunch of people who whooped the care bears butts…. Lights go out and cut to commercial Return- Skit- Bozo’s got A GUN! As Sam and Kyle walk down the street a weird looking clown runs up to him with a gun. Kyle- Oh my god he has got a…and is bashed in face by Clown Sam- um…yeah. Clown - Say hello to my little friend! Narrator - ITS BOB BARKER! Bob walks in, as price is right music plays in background. Bob- Let’s play plinko! Guy who walks in - Wrong set Bob! Bob- oh well see ya next time! Sam slaps clown with a fish that suddenly appeared. Clown drops to floor. Kyle- well that’ll go nice in my biography "Beaten up by clown with gun" Sam- Let’s just go. Walk out slowly… Lights go down theme plays prepare for new skit. Skit four- Fat man and Robin Starring- Allie, Sam, Kyle, special guest Bob the stick Allie L., Kyle and Sam are sitting around doing nothing. Well, Allie was playing with a stick she named Bob. Kyle kept staring at the stick. Sam- stands up and dives at the wall, but falls down well…I’m bored. Kyle- Allie? Um…can…I see that stick? Allie- NO. Bob is mine and mine only. Kyle- BUT I WANNA SEE IT! Kyle dives at Allie and grabs the stick. Allie- HEY! GIMME BOB YOU FREAK! Allie and Kyle chase each other while Sam watches. Sam- …TO THE BATMOBILE! Batman music plays as Bob the stick swirls around for the scene-switch. Soon Sam is in the Batman costume and Kyle is in the Robin costume in the batmobile. Kyle turns to Sam Kyle- Holy Jiliwegurs! What is the issue this time Batman? Kyle hugs Bob the stick Sam- why the hell do you have that…oh! Vacuum girl is at it again! WE HAVE TO STOP HER! Batman theme music in background…again Allie (Vacuum girl)- Mwehehehehehe! I will get my stick no matter what! Bob, I AM COMING! Allie is at the top of a building, hand held vacuum in hand Batmobile stops at the building where Vacuum girl is at and Kyle and Sam, still dressed up, get out. Allie- Hehe…I knew they would come… *Sam and Kyle step out from the elevator doors that just opened behind Allie* Kyle- Eep! Jumping…um…um…uh… Sam- *whispers* jahoosafats! Kyle- Oh…JAHOOSAFATS! Allie- BOB! UNHAND HIM! Kyle- Eh? Bob? Where? *Sees stick in hand.* AH! NEVER! *Allie lunges at Kyle.* *Batman music, once again, plays and every time a punch or kick is thrown a big KAPOW! Or WHAM! Or HUTTAH! Appears on the screen Kyle is cornered with Bob, and Allie is trying to suck Sam in with her Vacuum, but he is not sucked up* Sam- I am too fat to be sucked in! Take that skinny ass! Allie- Ugh! You fat bastard! *Runs off…* Kyle- Ah! Bob and me are together again. *Kisses the stick many, many times…*