Don't Amputate Jie-Jie's Third Arm

We, the undersigned, object to the amputation of 2-month-old Jie-Jie's third arm on the grounds that if the amputation were to occur, it would result in a significant decrease in the overall awesomeness of Jie-Jie's possible life as a three-armed badass.

Sure, Jie-Jie might be mocked relentlessly by his peers and may even be sold to a traveling circus, but just consider for a moment a few of the AMAZING upsides this kid would have with three arms:

1) First and foremost, he could taint punch three people simultaneously.

2) He could grab two titties and give that same girl a shocker, all at once.

3) Dress up like Mortal Kombat's Goro at Halloween. (Minus one arm)

4) Would be able to refer to his third arm as a "tentacle."

5) The ultimate one man "flip-cup" team.

6) He has the potential to be the greatest Benihana steak chef of all-time.

7) With two hands on the table, he could furiously masturbate with his third arm whenever he felt like it and no one would be any wiser.

8) Both Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris would fear him.

Because of these reasons (along with the hundreds not listed), it is our contention that Jie-Jie's third arm NOT be amputated.