New United States Election Process Method Petition

To: The Government of the United States of America & The American Broadcasting Company (or any other interested television networks)

In lieu of the upcoming presidential election, we the undersigned hereby recommend that the United States of America change their democratic election process.
For far too long, the American people have been forced through the monotonous process of watching electoral candidates make claims of grandeur, while claiming that the opposition is unfit to take office. The election campaign process has become repetitive, boring, ridiculous, unnecessary, and expensive.
A new campaign process is needed. A process that properly reflects the current interests of the American people. After all, the definition of a democracy is "government by the people, through elected representatives." If the elected representatives are to be chosen by the people, than why not allow the election process to be chosen by them as well?
In that regards, we hereby recommend the following:
1) The current election campaign/process should be replaced with a new method: An election reality show.
2) This new reality show will pit the party leaders against one another in much the same way that the popular show "Survivor" does.
3) The show must take place in a remote area of the planet (i.e. an island in the south pacific)
4) The abovementioned party leaders must take part in the new form of electoral debates: electoral challenges. Examples of some possible electoral challenges include a) party leaders must beat each other with pointed sticks until only one is left standing; b) each one must pick his favorite musical artist/entertainer and then the three chosen artists can have a battle of the bands to decide the winner; c) each one is sent on a raft which they must use to race around the island (hungry sharks will be in the water); d) They must dress up in camouflage, put on war paint, and play paintball against each other; e)Saddam Hussein will be hidden in a cave on the island and the first party leader to find him wins.
5) At the end of each episode, Americans will phone or text message in their weekly choice. The winner of that week's vote will get to wear the "superfantasticpresident" hat (which will be made out of brightly colored bird feathers). He will also receive 5 minutes of rant time, which he can use to pump up his ego while making fun of the losers.
6) On the final episode, the actual election will take place. Americans can phone or text message in their vote, which will be tallied and combined with that party leaders number of weekly debate challenge wins. The elected leader will then be flown back to Washington to celebrate, while the losers are fed to the sharks (to ensure that the next season isn't repetitive by the losers trying to run again).
We believe that this campaign/election method will properly reflect the interests of American citizens. It may even perk the interests of Americans who do not normally vote.
This process should be implemented ASAP.