Brian Burks Is the Fattest Man In the World

We the undersigned are formally petitioning Guinness World Records to officially recognize Brian Burks as the fattest man in the world. We demand that this once credible institution rectify their erroneous claim that Manuel Uribe is the rightful holder of this title. Compared to Brian Burks (aliases: Big Fat Brian Y'All, Mod Wang), Uribe is svelte, physically attractive, and leads an active lifestyle. If any example is needed, consider that Uribe recently made headlines for getting married to a loving partner: a dream Burks could never hope to achieve. By continuing to publish this falsehood worldwide, the organization not only damages its own reputation, but robs Burks of the international disgust he so richly deserves. We will not rest until our voice is heard and this truth becomes common knowledge.