Save Scroggin (the name, not the person)

To members of the Scroggin community, It has recently come to my attention that a certain person by the name of NICHOLAS (ha!) has been referring to yours truly as 'Michelle.' Despite the fact that 'Michelle' is indeed my legal birth name, I am highly insulted that anyone close to me could even consider using such a cognomen (thesaurus!). It is common knowledge that the moniker 'scroggin,' (or scrogs, scrogamaloggin, scroganoffanoff etcetera) has been in common usage by those whom I consider friends (let alone boyfriends!) for over a year. Moreover, NICHOLAS, as a co-founder of 'scroggin' (the name) and self-elected 'President of the SCROGGSOC executive appointment committee' should be most ashamed of his sacrilegious language. In fact, I feel that NICHOLAS owes an immediate and whole-hearted apology to the co-founder Nikki, the scroggin community, members of scroggsoc, and most of all, myself (scroggin). In addition, NICHOLAS should seek to rectify the situation immediately by calling me by one of the afore-mentioned names from now on. It should be noted that the nick-name of 'mish' will suffice in situations of dire need (however, what constitutes 'dire need' is at the full discretion of yours truly, and most certainly excludes all situations where other mish is present). In addition, 'scrag', 'sprog', or 'scrotum' will not be tolerated under any circumstances, and the offender will be severely mutilated (even if it is Jared's mum). All who agree with me please say 'aye.' Or rather sign my petition (which is brilliant, I must admit) and teach young NICHOLAS a lesson. On a final note, NICHOLAS - be warned. You would do well to remember that 'Nick' rhymes with many unfortunate colloquialisms. If you choose to ignore the wrath of the scroggin community you may well find yourself 're-named' *evil laugh* So in closing, I say SAVE SCROGGIN (the name, not the person, although please save the person also should I be on the brink of death or, more likely, insanity). Sign this petition and show your support! Do not let down your fellow scroggin community members!